Entering Unstructured Territory

I think I chose not to think about it. I chose to ignore the fact that I'm leaving the country for an ENTIRE year. Now, that's not to say I neglected things that needed to get done. For the past two months, I have slowly but surely been buying clothing, selecting luggage, and researching things about different countries. (Read "I've been spending a lot of money...at REI...")

But this week it has started to hit me. While I am so incredibly grateful and excited about this opportunity to travel and learn and experience, the anxiety has kicked in. It took me a while to pinpoint exactly what was causing my anxiety, but it comes down to the fact that I am entering unstructured territory. A territory I have left wholly unexplored, until now.

There are just so many unknowns. Where will I live? Who will I meet? What will I eat? Or perhaps more importantly, what will I snack on...? I like to be in control and this trip challenges all the security I place in my ability to be in control.

I have also been thinking a lot about defining my own success this year. For the most part, throughout school, success has been defined for me. I am so used to doing what I HAVE to do, but this fellowship is all about asking yourself "Hmm, what am I going to do today?" I get to set my own agenda and guidelines. I get to define the success of my project and the trip as a whole. This is awesome and daunting at the same time.

I'm learning to be excited by the challenge of the unknown instead of feeling overwhelmed by it. Instead of craving structure, I am looking forward to being stretched in so many different ways. And I am working on letting God go before me on this journey. His path and agenda far exceed any planning I could do.

We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.

~ 2 Chronicles 20:12 

I will end this post with a link to a song I have been wanting to share since I found out I got the fellowship! I heard the chorus and it instantly became my Watson theme song:

We are far from home, but we're so happy

Far from home, all alone, but we're so happy

~From Finner, Of Monsters and Men